Friends - Akwardness
I decided to tell the side story of friends after traumatic injury. It’s not always the same. But I have seen it many times in my life and lifes around me.
I’m not using names in hope to not make people feel worse.
There I was. In a bed with the standard hospital equipment attached to me. I.V. units, a casted arm, full TLSO brace and circulation air bladders connected to my legs. It was enough to make anyone everyone cringe. I guess what I’m saying is I sort of understand how people must have felt when they saw me.
Of course the first few days I don’t remember much. I assume due to pain killers and just a cloud that was over my head. I recall groups of people coming. Some bringing the usual get well crap. Some bringing needed magazines, books or food. Some would spend a moment and start to sob. Then leave explaining they couldn’t bare to see me this way. How did they think I felt? The comments only made me feel worse.
It went like this (at the hospital):
This was all while I was in the hospital. Once in Kessler it got worse. I would only see my Mom a few times a week, (due to work). Only one friend would visit. Maybe Kessler was more depressing for them. Good friend #3 would visit frequently throughout my 3 month stay.
Other family came maybe 1 or 2 times. Telling me how thin I was and they wished me wellness. Wellness? I had a spinal cord injury, not many people recover from them, they move on and learn to live disabled. The phrase Get Well became intolerable.
This part of my story is turning into a pitty party. Trust me, I feel like a douche bitching about people. But it made me feel worse than I did for just being ijnured, it made me feel alone.
The funny thing about Good friend #3 is he was a great friend. A good person. They all were but this story is unique. I was scheduled to have major surgery (that I later declined) so Kessler thought it would be good for me to go out on a road trip. Due to high risk of infection and recovery time, they wanted me to visit friends and do something for myself. Good friend #3 had to come to Kessler and learn how to put me in a car and transfer me to chairs. I still could not do this myself due to my arm. he spent two days doing this. Not many people would give up valuable time.
Road trip: We went to his house, people showed up to wish me well. His family was so good to me, as usual. After food and visits we took a trip to the mall. I had and wanted a few things, figured I could save Mom the trip. While there I felt not so good. My stomach was gurgling and aching. With little to no bladder or bowl control I knew this could be bad.
Good friend #3 and another friend brought me to a rest room, propped me up (standing) and held me there while the other removed my pants then sat me on the toilet. When I was done they stood me up and put my pants back on. Those were truly good friends. If the wrong person walked in we could of been charged with a crime similar to George Michael.
Funny thing is I no longer have contact with Good friend #3. He planned to visit me here in New England after my move and due to an unseen event I had to cancel his trip. He has not spoke to me since.
A random girl or 2 came to see me at Kessler. Girls I was sort of dating before my crash. They provided minimal distraction from my life but it did help to see pretty faces.
Upon my return home it took months to reconect with friends, but I did. I am still connected to them all and care for them a great deal. I speak to them all weekly and we share our lives electronically. Occasional visits to NJ and to NE keep us close.
What I learned is you have to put your own feelings aside when someone needs you. Listen when they talk and only offer advice when asked. Show you care with more than words and objects. Stuff is only stuff, experiences and emotion last forever.
